11 Office Rules to Follow to Keep You From Getting Fucked Up

This is pretty much how I felt when I worked in corporate America…


  1. If you see me on the fucking phone, GO AWAY!

I have had too many coworkers come to my desk while I’m on the phone, make eye contact, and then start talking. Oh, so fuck what I’m talking about, huh? NO! If you see me on the phone, don’t assume it’s a person call. And even if it is a personal call – honestly, it probably is – you don’t interrupt. Send me an email or come back with your rude ass.

  1. If you see me coming, hold the god damned elevator.

Listen, I know some of you be in a rush to get upstairs, but that’s no excuse for being a dick. The four seconds you have to wait for me to get to the elevator will not make a difference. And if I see your ass push the close button when I’m hustling to the elevator, I will…

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